Going soft

Had a wonderful weekend with my youngest, home from college for a couple of days. After putting up the trees for Christmas, we took a photo of her. Then, to make her other commitments, she gathered her things into the car and left. And I shed some tears.

I know I am getting older. Do I have to get softer, too? Yes, I cry during Disney movies. Always have. But, I am not generally known for getting weepy just because my little girl drives off. Not usually. Why tonight?

The house seems much colder and more empty tonight in the stillness of her absence. Like a bright summer day was replaced by a cold winter night, all in the time it took for her car to climb the drive and go. Her perfume still hangs faintly in the air.

Now I am sitting here, staring at the lights of the tree...

Happy Birthday!

My youngest turns 18 today. She is an amazing young woman and I am very proud of her.

Newbius

I am OK with the idea

(NOTE: This is a post with a very narrowly-targeted audience of one.)

Life is meant to be lived to the fullest, not merely endured while we pass the time. You have proven to me that you face life with your eyes wide open. You understand the risks, and the consequences, of what you are undertaking. You deserve to be happy and you have earned the right to be.

I really do like him.

I really do want you to be happy.

I really do trust your judgment.

If he makes you happy and you truly love him, then you have my total, complete, and unqualified blessing.

Love,

Dad

A Father's Dilemma

Part of me wants to let my children (who are all young-adults) figure it out on their own without intervention from me. Growth requires that they make some mistakes and learn from them.

Another part of me wants to rage and scream at the injustice of a world which sometimes causes them hurt.

And then there is that special part that is the father of a wonderful girl. That part just wants to throw down the gloves and say:

"If you break my little girl's heart, I will break you."

I try not to let that monster out...it scares me too much. Some of you fathers understand.

I wish I did.

Newbius

She's Back

My girl got back from a week-long mission trip. She leaves in 2 days for a month-long tour out west. I missed her, and will miss her again.

Have I told you how much in awe I am of her? She has more grit, more compassion, and more talent at age 17 than I had at age 30. I am very proud of her.

Newbius

The smallest things

Right now, the smallest things are what bring me the most joy, and also the most pain. Little remarks made in passing are blown out of proportion to their import. Little looks, glances, sighs, are sometimes just that. I need to remember that.

On the other hand, I was out and about recently, and happened to stop and notice a small flower peeking through a pile of detritus. It was a small triumph of beauty over mundane useless crap.

Life is like that. Small crap mars an otherwise lovely scene. Small bits of beauty thrive in an otherwise ugly existence.

Two sides of the same coin, perhaps. Maybe the difference is what we are focusing on at the time. Maybe the difference is us, and our perspective on life and our surroundings at any given moment in time.

The desire to escape from an unpleasant situation is sometimes strong. Perhaps the best response at that moment is to take a pause and remind yourself about the good that exists there too. The fact that people know you, and care about you, and love you is sometimes lost when there is friction. Take the time to find the flower in the junk pile. It really is there somewhere.

Pax,

Newbius

Happy New Year!

Sorry for the dearth of posting. I just finished a week of visits by family and friends, at times with nearly 30 people in the house enjoying good food, drink, and conversation. The weekend was capped off by a joint (Boy Scout and Girl Scout) Court of Honor ceremony awarding the highest rank that Scouting offers to each of my children. Oldest and Middle Child are now, formally and officially, Eagle Scouts, and Youngest has earned her Gold Award.

They have earned their ranks and are fine young leaders. And, yes, I am a proud father of all three! They did good! :D

I hope that your New Year also started out well. Let's make 2010 the year in which we return our nation to the Founder's values.

Pax,

Newbius

Four wheeled fun

This past weekend I went karting with my son and daughter. My girl had been pestering me to go for a few weeks, ever since she went with a "guy friend" of hers. I have been racing before, and knew it would be a lot of fun, but didn't want to spend money that was not in the budget.

Well, Saints be praised, I got a small bonus (really a return of the pay cut I took earlier in the year). So, Saturday night we braved the cold (well, cold for Virginia at 33F) and went to the indoor kart track in Fredericksburg and did some racing.

My daughter was excited that "I did so well for my first time out", and I was wondering which corners I was losing so much time in. Different standards, I guess...

I think I might have the racing line worked out for the track now. Maybe with a few adjustments, I can recover the second per lap that she is beating me by. I already know that I can carry more speed through the turn onto the pit straight if I line up the apex right...next time!

Click for full picture
Oldest son leading the group into the turn on the yellow, daughter is #4

Click for full picture
Me (#18) stuck behind traffic on the yellow flag

I plan to do this again. It is a really good time, and not too expensive for today's world, with liability costs and gasoline and all being so expensive (about $18 per race with membership). Racing will get the heart rate up and the adrenaline flowing and maybe let you connect with your kids a little bit more.

Maybe next time I'll prove to the girl that I've still got it... :)

Pax,

Newbius

What to do?

I can only offer advice, encouragement, and support for so long. After that, they either fly on their own or crash below the nest.

If you are an Eagle, fly like one! No more excuses.

Pax,

Newbius

Saturday Awesomeness..

I am two cups of coffee into the day and so far it is "Aces" all the way. I have sunshine, a happy cat in my lap, and a daughter who wants to go shooting for the first time in her life. (Meaning: She asked me if she could come when I mentioned I wanted to go to the range.)

I need the practice, and I am getting tired of being cooped up in the house. So, we are going to the range later today. (Yippee!)

While reading some of my favorite blogs, I ran across some more pearls from Brigid (who ALWAYS has pearls!). Brigid has some thoughts on targets that are worth reading. No recipe though. :(

The information is timely because Lefty (my daughter-princess) wants to go. I am going to require that my daughter (16) read Brigid's post before we go to the range.

Lefty is an amazing girl. She is intelligent, funny, strong-willed, and very responsible. Which means we clash a lot because she knows it already, and most of the time (though not all) she really does. So now I have to face that my role in her life has changed again. I get to be a teacher on demand, and safety net the rest of the time.

I might need some help here though. She is left-handed and I don't know which eye is dominant. I can teach the 4 rules and general safe handling, and I can teach her how each gun works that she will shoot, order of operation, sight alignment, breathing, squeeze, etc... What I need to overcome is the Dad/Daughter friction that sometimes exists with Teens.

What is the best way to approach the first time at the range so that she enjoys it?

Maybe I am worrying too much...

Pax,

Newbius

I love her. How do I tell her?

My daughter is amazing.

She is smart, witty, fun-loving and beautiful. She is also one of the most exasperating people I know.

We are having a little communication issue right now. I am hopeful that it is just her age, and the fact that I still insist on being her parent. I just don't know.

I still know her as my little girl, and she will forever be that to me. But, she is really a young woman trying to figure out her place in the world. That is just a little scary to me as her dad.

I know I have to let go a little and trust in her.

I hope that she has learned the important lessons we have tried to teach her about making good choices, and about living with the results. Today's society can be a scary place. I want her to grow (but not too quickly). I want her to mature and be comfortable with who she is. I want her to be confident. I want her to make bold choices and never fear failure. I want her to value commitment and honesty and faith and wisdom. Mostly, I want her to be happy.

So, I struggle with the communication thing with her. We no longer speak the same language. At least, the words do not seem to mean the same things they used to. I am going to keep trying though. Maybe we can find some common ground again, when one or both of us gets used to the new dynamic in our relationship.

Daughter, if you read this: I love you. I will always love you. Nothing you can say or do will ever make me stop loving you.

I am here for you when you are ready.

Dad